A Very Happy Birthday to Tee
by twilightshadowmidna
Summary: Just what I made for mah bestie Tee! Random characters from random things! T for language.


**This is for TwilightTee, the awesomest person in the whole world! Wuv you Tee! N/H! x3**

"Haiiiiiii Tee!" Sparkleflower adjusted the camera and jumped in front of it, waving her paws around wildly. "Happy birthday!" She dragged a white and grey she-cat into view. "Snowclaw and I-"She stopped and stared at her sister. "Do I smell catnip?"

"Yes… no…. maybe…." Snowclaw looked everywhere but her sister's scrutinizing blue orbs.

"….jealous." Sparkleflower turned her attention back to the camera. "Anyways… Snowclaw and I are hosting a birthday party for lil' miss Tee! All of TortureClan is joining us!"

Cats raced onstage.

"Happy Birthday!" they all chimed.

"-to you, happy birthday to-"A ginger she-cat with amber eyes looked around.

"Sunblaze… Shut up." An orange tom with black stripes cuffed her over the head.

"Ow!"

"Snowclaw!" A pale brown she-cat tackled Snowclaw.

"Oh hai, Willowmoon," Snowclaw replied to her apprentice, prying her away. "Is everyone ready?"

The whole Clan cheered.

"Awright!" Sparkleflower clicked a button on the random remote in her paw. The stage florr lifted, tilted, and every cat but Sparkleflower and Snowclaw tumbled into the crowd. It lovered dowm and a podium appeared. Sparkleflower cleared her throat. So did Snowclaw.

"So we had a vote-"Sparkleflower began.

"-and the Clan decided-"Snowclaw continued.

"-That what we should do-"

"-To start off Tee's birthday-"

"-is a talent show."

"First, our very own Greypaw is going to juggle flaming chainsaws while they are switched on."

"Wait, what?!" A grey apprentice squeaked from the crowd. "I never-"

A gold spotted tom shoved him onstage. "Good luck!" Spottedpelt yowled as he raced back to his seat.

Snowclaw shoved the chainsaws into Greypaw's paws and switched them on as he juggled them. Somehow he managed not to get hurt, but when Sparkleflower caught them all on fire he wasn't so lucky. He burned his paws. His grip wasn't the only thing he lost.

"Crap." He stared at the bleeding stumps that were once paws. "I liked my paws. A lot. Could I have them back, Mom?"

"Hmmm…" Sparkleflower had a quick whispered conversation with Snowclaw before turning back to her kit. "I suppose."

"Woohoo!" Greypaw paws replenished, raced back to the crowd. Two cats used a fire hose and sprayed the stage, which had been caught on fire by the chainsaws.

"Torturing my son is so fun," Sparkleflower commented.

"Mhm." Snowclaw giggled and summoned the Dark Forest cats in tutus. "Hawkfrost, Antpelt, Brokenstar, Tigerstar, and Darkstripe are going to perform as ballerinas with Mapleshade leading!"

Mapleshade twirled gracefully around in her tutu. Behind her, Hawkfrost stubbed his toe and knocked over Antpelt, who bumped Brokenstar. The ancient leader stumbled and accidentally kissed Tigerstar, who toppled over and sent Darkstripe flying. Mapleshade ended the performance with an elegant curtsy and they all disappeared. The crowd hooted and cheered.

"Alrighty, then!" Sparkleflower stepped up to the podium. Two cats walked up to Snowclaw. "Now! Talonwing and Eclipse have to relive a scene from our torture show!"

*begin*

"It says right below it that she's going to make more," Gingerfrost added.

"She should hurry it up, then!" Talonwing muttered.

"Go away if you don't like it!" Sunblaze used wind to send Talonwing to a happy place with laughing children and sunflowers with smiley faces on them. Talonwing screamed bloody murder.

"Hey..." Mooncloud stared. "Should I do something about her?"

"Just leave her be," Spottedfire advised. "Trust me; you don't want to do otherwise."

"Leave that crazy mangepelt alone?" Mooncloud still looked uncertain. Eclipse let out a howl.

"I'VE GOT TO GO GET HER!" he screeched. "She is my host and I am made to protect her for specifically this reason!"

"Eclipse, I don't think you'll have to-" Angelfur was cut off as Eclipse summoned a rabid unicorn and jumped on its back. Tigerstripe face palmed.

"I'M COOOOOOMMIIIIIIING, TAAAAALOOOOONWIIIIIIING!" Eclipse yowled as he and the unicorn flew away on a rainbow.

"Okay...?" Sparkleflower shrugged.

((Later))

Suddenly there was a loud crash and rainbows splattered all over the walls of the studio. Eclipse emerged from the ruckus and made his rabid unicorn disappear. He was dragging Talonwing.

"I could've saved myself, ya know," Talonwing grumbled.

"But it's my job!" Eclipse sniffed.

"Whooooaaaa!" Cinderheart giggled. "RAINBOWS AN' SHIT, MAN!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!" Lionblaze and Dovewing yowled.

*end*

The crowd erupted in laughter. Talonwing growled and bared her teeth. One of Eclipse's unicorns growled with her.

"Grumpy," Snowclaw teased.

"Screw you," Talonwing replied.

They returned to the crowd.

"Now," Snowclaw announced, "the second part of our party…"

"The non-cat guests!" Sparkleflower pressed a button and six ponies appeared.

"What the hay?!" An orange one with blonde hair exclaimed.

"Whoa!" the pink one squealed. "That's a lotta cats!"

"Oh, goodness!" a white one with purple hair gasped.

"Oh, my…" A yellow and pink one glanced around nervously.

"Where are we?!" demanded a blue and rainbow one.

The purple one looked at Sparkleflower and Snowclaw. "And who are you?"

"I don't know what hay is; yes, this is a lot of cats; get your shit together; you too, wimp; you're at a birthday party; I'm Sparkleflower, and this is my sister Snowclaw."

"Oooooo!" Pinkie Pie bounced. "A party!"

DJ PON-3 appeared. "Whoa! What is this?"

Sparkleflower repeated her explanation patiently.

"Awesome!" the white pony with crazy hair exclaimed. "Let's get this party started!"

"Not yet," Snowclaw said.

Suddenly a huge group of Zelda characters appeared with the click of a button. 9 similar-looking people drew swords. Applejack stepped forward.

"Now, calm down, y'all," she cautioned. "We mean no harm."

"It's a party!" DJ and Pinkie said at the same time.

"Yaay!" the red-clad hero squealed.

"Oh Farore…" the blue one grumbled.

"Quiet, you!" the green one growled.

"You guys are idiots," the purple one sighed. "Not you, Red," he added hastily as his double sniffled.

"Aww, you're so sweet Vio!"

"Will y'all shut up?" a boy looking like the four but with purple hair and a black tunic complained.

"How about you?" Blue stuck his tongue out.

"Shadow… I'm getting a headache…" A short lilac-haired man took Shadow's arm. "Where are we?"

"Some weirdo's birthday party or something…"

"Can you kill them all? They're too loud…"

"Master, they're cats."

"Oh!" Vaati's eye snapped open. "Never mind, then."

"Does the great and powerful Wind Mage have a certain weakness of small, furry animals?" Green teased.

Vaati only blushed.

Four of the Links remained unaccounted for. All were silent.

"Here we have one child, one adult, and two teens…" Sparkleflower trailed off. "These are all mutes! Where's my Darky?!"

"I'm glad he didn't show up!" Young Zelda exclaimed.

"He's more evil than Shadow," Toon Zelda agreed.

"Hey!" Shadow growled.

"Who wants dark around anyways?" Goddess Zelda demanded.

"ME!" Sparkleflower snapped. "God, leave it to the same people to gang up on someone."

"You're crazy," Teen Princess Zelda snapped back.

"Insane," Snowclaw corrected.

Ruto walked in, dragging a silver-haired man behind her. "I brought Dark!" she announced.

"DARKY!" Sparkleflower glomped him. She clicked another button on her remote. All the non-humanlike people turned humanlike. The cats seemed fine, but Fluttershy fainted and the other ponies froze.

"Lady, get offa me!" Dark pushed Sparkleflower away.

Everyone gasped. They held their breath and waited for a reaction…

…and got one. The silver neko swooned.

The large group let out their breath. Snowclaw took the remote. Her sister giggled weakly. Midna rolled her eyes. Saria sighed.

Snowclaw pressed a button and yet another group appeared.

"Kuroshitsuji guests!" Sparkleflower cried.

"Kuro-what?" Tatl asked.

"Black Butler," her brother, Tael, replied. Tatl looked at him curiously. "Do not question me, sister! I am experiencing muffin withdrawals!"

Navi gasped. "I LOVE muffins!" Jazzy music played for the two.

Meanwhile, the new group looked around.

"Claude, this place is boring, and Hannah is here," Alois complained, gesturing to his maid.

"Sebastian, where in the world are we?" Ciel whispered anxiously to his butler.

Sebastian looked around helplessly. "I… honestly have no idea, my lord."

"Sebas-chaaaaaaaaaaaaan~" A red blur flew towards the butler. He dodged and it went crashing into Baldroy. William appeared.

"I-again-am dearly sorry for the trouble this absolute wretch has a habit of causing."

"Oh, no!" Sparkleflower squeaked, leaping up from her sitting position. Grell got up, rubbing his head. "I simply _love _this 'absolute wretch'!"

"Aww, Sebas-chan, why did you run?" Grell hugged him. "Our love cannot be escaped from…"

The butler was obviously unmoved.

Snowclaw explained the situation. Three teenage nekos approached the triplets. They had white, silver, and red ears, tails, and hair.

"I'm Snowpaw."

"I'm Moonpaw."

"I-I'm Redpaw…"

Stripepaw eyed the triplets suspiciously as each of them reacted to his sisters.

Thompson's was the least obvious. He stared at Snowpaw, a light pink dusting over his cheeks. Stripepaw growled.

Timber stared at Moonpaw, face turning pink. He opened his mouth multiple times as if to speak, but nothing ever came out. Tigerstripe joined his son in growling.

Canterbury turned bright red at the sight of innocent little Redpaw. He froze up and swayed dangerously on the spot. Tigerstripe and Stripepaw roared (well the best they could as Twolegs x3). Everyone stared at them. Both father and son started clearing their throats loudly.

"So… are you cats or humans?" May-Rin asked.

"Mostly cats," Snowclaw replied.

"Alrighty!" Sparkleflower shouted. "Stage 3: Gifts!"

She clicked another button on the remote and everyone teleported to a dance studio. Next to the dance floor was a refreshments area. A girl with brownish-blonde hair was sitting in a chair there, waiting patiently.

"TEE!" Sparkleflower hugged her.

"Oh, hai." Tee looked at her. "Aren't you Rin's cat?"

"Yup!"

"Oh! Hai, Sparkleflower!" Tee looked around. "All of these nekos are TortureClan?"

"Yup." Snowclaw twitched her ear.

"Snowclaw!" Tee pulled her into a hug. "You're so cute as a neko! Rin put you in TortureClan?"

"She sure did!"

"Awesome!"

"Who is?" A black-haired girl with Vaati bangs appeared.

"OHMAHGAWD!"

Rin was buried in nekos.

"Okay-ow-love you guys too-get your butt offa my face, Spottedpelt! -okay, okay, get offa me!" Rin threw the nekos off. "Everyone, you can give Tee her presents now!"

"Presents?"

By then, the non-cat guests were half-forgotten. The nekos stampeded in front of Tee's chair. They all wanted to give her a present first. Once it calmed, a few of the presents were:

A badly drawn cat picture (Greypaw)

A taser (guess who)

Morphine (wtf Willowmoon)

A Justin Beiber CD (R.I.P. Tigerstripe)

Homemade S'mores (Sunblaze)

LoZ: Four Swords (Play with me sometime! ~Stripepaw)

Navi (Navi)

A teddy bear (Angelfur)

A rock (Bouldertalon *rock gets thrown at him*)

"Stage four-" Sparkleflower shoved DJ and Pinkie into the DJ box.

"-dance party!"Snowclaw raced onto the dance floor. Pinkie turned on strobe lights and the laser. DJ turned on a crazy Nyan cat-styled beat. Rin swung Tee around in circles in the air. Tee hobbled around afterwards, dizzy beyond belief. Tigerstripe stalked his daughters with Stripepaw. Sparkleflower dragged Dark around, blabbing to him about randomness. Snowclaw giggled while violently dancing around and nearly killing Bouldertalon. Talonwing and Eclipse raced around on rabid unicorns. Sebastian brought tea and cake and Claude cut it. Alois did a curious thing with Ciel's cake- He shoved Ciel and spilled it on his front, then insisted on "cleaning" it up. The triplets allowed themselves to be led around. Twilight was distributing cake. Applejack was avoiding Spottedpelt. Fluttershy stood on the edge of all the chaos.

"What on earth is happening?!" Fluttershy was horribly confused.

Rin picked up the camera and faced it at her. "Happy birthday- love you like a sis, cuz ya are one-"

Bouldertalon went crashing into her and the camera broke.

**I had a lotta fun writing this! Happy birthday Tee! WISH HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAMN YOU VIEWERS! Jk love you guys! Ja ne~**


End file.
